I hate burpees…

Seriously, I would rather let someone punch me in the throat than do burpees but they are great for your core and fitness so I suck it up and do them. Much like I use escalators when there are no stairs to take (I mean seriously, they are so unsafe!) and I go to the dentist even though I am petrified.

We all have to do things we don’t like to do because deep down we know the outcome is good for us.

But what happens when we are faced with a situation where we have to make a choice that goes against how we feel, a classic case of head versus heart? Where logic defies love and you come to the realisation that the choice you are about to make is going to rip a little piece of you away.

I had one such moment last week when I made the decision to have my puppy re-homed. It wasn’t an overnight decision – it had been niggling away at me for weeks.

Here was this animal that loved me unconditionally even though since moving into a new place and taking on additional training and studying, was getting less attention than she deserved and yet was still so excited to see me at the end of each work day she would literally beam at me through the garden gates.

I don’t think there’s one thing I could have done wrong in her eyes and as long as she got just 5 minutes with me, the fact I was at home less and less would fly straight out of her mind. I could have carried on the way I was going, spending what time I did have with her and putting my guilt to one side. And the emotional side of me wanted to do this so badly because who can honestly say they ever want to let go of something they love? Where is the logic in making yourself unhappy?

But if you really think about it, the very fact that you love something or someone is the reason you want the very best for them, regardless of whether or not it’s you that can provide that. Here I was, torn between making a decision based on my head and heart when it suddenly clicked – they weren’t actually in disagreement. Both in fact knew what the right decision was and had come to a mutual understanding.

Logic was telling me I didn’t have the time for her, that with my ever increasing work and study load our time together would become less and less. And even though I loved her and she brought me so much happiness, my heart ached for a life I knew she deserved and wasn’t getting from me.

As I write this pups is no longer here – her new family are spoiling her with constant affection and she went to a home where people are with her all day. Do I feel sad for what I did? Guilty for buying her in the first place only to give her up? Yes and no. Yes because a part of me feels like a failure for not trying harder and I miss her little face when I get home. It was the first bond i’d ever formed with something from a young age and my first true experience of feeling like a life was dependant on me. But more importantly, no. Because deep down I know I made the right decision and even though I don’t feel too good about it now, her quality of life is the best it can be and that means more to me than I can explain in a blog post.

This won’t be the first time I have to make a hard decision i’m sure but it’s true what they say; the hardest thing to do is normally the right thing….